I biked along the Burke Gilman trail on a warm and sunny day earlier this spring. A tall woman pedaled up to me and said, “Can I say something to you? I don’t know….maybe you already know….but….In the sun, and it’s sunny, I can totally see your underwear through your leggings.” I gasped, dumbfounded. Me?!?! How could this be?! “Thank you!” I yelled, “I had no idea!” She nodded, peeled ahead of me and was gone.
I’d seen the underwear of many women riding bikes downtown. I usually shake my head, sad that some people don’t have enough money to bike in proper pants and had to wear tights, or had bike pants so old that the threads became transparent. It never occurred to me that the wearer might not even know.
I pondered what to do the rest of the ride. I had no jacket with me, nothing to cover up my embarrassment. I happened to be wearing the world’s goofiest pair of underwear, of course. A sunny afternoon on the Burke Gilman meant hundreds of people would see my transparent ass and I was at least 10 miles from home. I had no choice but to shake my booty in pride. Yeah, I meant to show off my ass! Yeah, baby, yeah!
I wore “leggings” so I could easily transition from bike to gym. These leggings were new! And black! How could they be see-though? I hate going to the gym in bike pants because I feel like a goober lifting barbells with a diaper butt. At the same time, my business casual work clothes are no more appropriate for the gym than they are the bike. I already wear 4 outfits a day and I don’t want to pack another. Since that day, I’ve wondered about all the other pants I wear on the bike. How do I test their transparency? I can’t see behind me. I bike to work alone, and am not about to ask a stranger, “Hey, so, can you see my crack?” I’ve told friends they had to look at my butt on my bike in the sun, but sunny weather is hard to plan in Seattle and months have gone by since that incident and I still am none the wiser about the rest of my pants. It occurred to me that none of these women bearing it all would have any clue, unless someone like myself told them. This appears to be a woman’s issue only. So few men wear lycra or other tight-fitting thin fabrics (outside of proper bike shorts) in the sun.
So this morning a young woman passes me- and there they were, rainbow-striped bikini briefs for all the world to see. This was my opportunity to pay it forward, return the favor that was bestowed upon me. But I couldn’t. I balked. Honestly, I was more concerned about embarrassing myself, tumbling over my words than I was embarrassing her. I hesitated, too- maybe she wants us to see all those stripes? But, as women on bikes, this is our duty! No man in this day and age ripe with objectification awareness is going to tell her about her giant crack on display for the whole world to see. We have to do it! Or, better yet, ladies- check your backsides tonight! Grab a trusted friend, or at least one with a good sense of humor! If you can see it all at home, I bet you can see it all when it’s perched high out there in the sunlight.
Fremont bridge bike count: 494